A friend-of-a-friend did this, and the idea has been passed on and around in emails with my girls. I think that having learned at least 21 things in a year is a good goal to aim for--if you haven't learned something-anything-what is the point? I admit that my list here has been somewhat edited from my original. Sorry--but the general populace just doesn't get the same info as my Circle of Trust. (I think that's fair.) 2010 was a wacky year for many people I know (and for me, oy), but wacky isn't bad. You can't change the past--you can only alter your perception, learn from it, and grow.
May 2011 bring all of us personal fulfillment, unbridled joy, few struggles, and many lessons.
1. Growth comes from conflict. You have to put it out there and struggle to shed your skin and grow one anew.
2. Keeping stuff bottled up will eventually kill you. It's amazing how much better I feel when I just say it--whatever it is. It's terrifying most of the time--you're setting yourself up for rejection or worse--but after the initial shock wears off, a weight is lifted.
3. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. So does drinking lots of water, getting a lot of sleep, exercising, etc.
4. My mottos for the year: "It is what it is" and "Try different; different can be good."
5. I am borrowing this one: like what you like, and like it with abandon. I like Ke$sha/crappy pop music, crime drama tv shows, Glee, clipping coupons, having short, unpainted nails, drinking my tea with a straw, and going to bed at a decent hour. I spent so much of my life trying to pretend that I liked the "right" things, etc. Screw it. If you hate "Tik Tok" you don't have to listen to it with me, but I am going to dance in my bathroom when it comes on the radio, dammit.
6. Vodka + lemonade + fake eyelashes + Revertigo = broken glass and a bandaged ass. And one of the funniest videos ever. My high school besties-KH, JD, BT-bring out my wild, uninhibited, carefree side (yes, even while sober). This is a side I would show more if I weren't such a weenie. I thank my lucky stars for them--they repair, reinvigorate, recenter, and refresh me on a daily basis. A toast to the future residents of the beach side Wisteria Lane. I love you, girls.
7. It is pretty remarkable how feeling satisfied in your personal and professional life leads directly to a more zen feeling about material things. I am making below poverty level money and am happier than I have been in years. Sure, I still love shopping and new clothes (I'm broke, not dead), but I'm no longer trying to substitute one happiness for another.
8. How to jump start a car.
9. Concerts tend to be disappointing.
10. I really, really like going to the movies. Alone, with friends, with strangers, with a date. Artsy-fartsy indie films, Ben Affleck blockbusters, musicals, animated, documentaries, you name it. Theaters with the movable arm rests are the best, and the kid's meal deal is the perfect amount of popcorn and soda. I even like watching tv in a movie theater (I watched most of The Walking Dead here.)
11. In a pinch, a piece of spaghetti can serve as a toothpick to dip homemade candy in chocolate.
12. I can eat the same thing for dinner for about a month before I can't stand to see it ever again.
13. You really get to know who your friends are when you go through a crisis, move away, and make choices that could be considered less than stellar. The best friends simultaneously call you on your bullshit, support you through it, and love you anyway. Or hell, because of it.
14. I look better with shorter hair. Sorry, ponytail--not gonna happen. And fine, I like how it looks when I use a diffuser like my stylist suggested. (Thanks, Mom, for trading hair dryers with me.)
15. As for Kitty: My mom and I have gotten to that wonderful point in a mother-daughter relationship where we are friends; she knows more about me than I would like to admit, and I can talk to her about things that I never thought would come out of my mouth. That said, it's also nice to have her cook me dinner and send me $20 in the mail "just because." I am still her kid, and she likes to treat me that way, too.
16. This year I was introduced to Dan Savage and chugged the Kool-Aid. The two most important things I learned from him are that a) sex is important, at least to me, and that's totally acceptable, and b) that sex isn't about intercourse. You can fuck and make love to someone and technically be abstinent. Health educators, teachers, parents, even youth ministers need to emphasize this. It would probably reduce the teen pregnancy rate. (Let me be clear: I am absolutely NOT advocating for abstinence only education; that is laughably ineffective and a dangerous byproduct of the influence the "moral" majority has on public policy. I am saying that all types of sexual activities--aka, "everything except"--can carry the emotional weight and overall fun/hotness that the general public--especially those who are beating the wait-til-you're-married horse--seems to think is limited to penetrative intercourse.)
17. It's easy to give up on love. Don't.
18. Republicans/social conservatives can raise my blood pressure in nanoseconds. I really do try to respect everyone's opinion and their right to express it, but there are just some beliefs that will make me think less of you. Sorry.
19. The heart is resilient in a way that most people can't believe. It can also handle far more than we think--just when I think "I can't take even one more crack" another appears and I say it all over again. It might shatter like an icy pond eventually, but it's stronger than I thought.
20. A great pair of jeans, tall black boots, good hair, some mascara and lip color = instasexy on almost everyone, me included. I actually think I look hot sometimes. Not always, but sometimes. This is new to me.
21. Life is a big, gray polka-dotted rug. There will hopefully be lots and lots of happy pink dots, few blue sad dots and just the right mix of green wacky dots. But the rest of it, the gray, is what we live day in, day out. Commuting, showering, grocery shopping, scooping cat poop, getting the mail, reading news online. Most of us aren't going to solve the world's crises, but most of us aren't going to cause great destruction, either. You should try to be a good friend, partner, child, neighbor, pet owner, employee or boss most of the time. If you have kids, you should try to be a good parent most of the time, too. We won't always be: we'll hurt feelings, forget, fight, ignore, insult. Hopefully not too many of these turn into permanent blue dots. Some days we'll excel: we'll inspire, console, laugh with, (laugh at), truly show our love and appreciation. Hopefully lots of these will become pink dots (or, with my friends, the green wacky dots). But life is mostly made up of the gray background--and that's ok. The point is to try to find the people you want on the rug with you and then buckle up for a carpet ride.
