2011 in Review (ish)

December 31, 2011

I’ve never done this questionnaire before, but RA posted her responses, and I thought I’d play along.

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1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Presented at three conferences (yay!) and sleep in the bathtub (boo! Long story. And no, I wasn't drunk.)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Hmm. Looking at these, I did ok. I made new friends/got closer with those I had already made, got a little better at cooking for one--I rotated meals a bit more frequently, at least, though Paul Newman's Supreme Pizza made a too-frequent appearance, maintained the 4.0 and kept the apartment cleanish. I guess I got better at complimenting myself and tried to be a good Auntie Hil and actually dated myself quite a bit. I did not, however, take a Facebook break or keep up with my journal (or even blog, really).

For 2012, some of those are still on the docket--cooking, cleaning, dating myself, grades. New ones? Hmm. 2012 is likely to be a pretty damn stressful year what with going through exams this spring, doing my proposal and IRB in the summer, and doing my dissertation research in the fall. There is at least one wacky adventure planned, though, which is something to look forward to.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Ohmyword, yes. This year, I welcomed Rowyn Fleissig, Jack Bradley and Ella Piro within five months of each other. It's an epidemic, I tell you.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
Just various parts of the good ol' US of A: Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Texas, Virginia and Missouri. I did accidentally end up in Illinois, too. Whoops.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you didn’t have in 2011?
Hmm. A date? Sex? A winning lottery ticket? World peace? A teaching-only assistantship for the following school year? A really good eyebrow waxer in Columbus since I won't see my dear Hans until summer? The Phillies getting to the World Series?

7. What dates from 2011 will be etched upon your memory, and why?

August 11th will always be the date of my legal divorce. I'm ok with it, but it's still a little weird. My 3 conferences were pretty neat, and those dates are on my C.V.

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?
I am pretty psyched that I got accepted to a big, international conference for March. I also seem to have some of my medical symptoms under control, thanks to a smart endocrinologist.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I didn't blog nearly as much as I would like and probably watched more tv than I should have. I didn't really aim to do much that was super huge or important, so I also didn't really fail. Isn't life safe that way? Blech. It's also boring. Let's fix that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had two small summer colds in June/July that were annoying, but not debilitating by any stretch of the imagination. I had some minor surgery a couple of weeks ago, too, but honestly, I remain one of the healthiest people I know (knock on wood).

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I bought a CrockPot, a hair straightener and some cute, bargain-priced clothes that all come in handy and help my team. I didn't buy anything remarkable that comes to mind. Oh wait--NKOTBSB tickets! That was so fun.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mom made it out of surgery in August and recovered quickly, which was nice. My friends are always being fantastic, too.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Jerry Sandusky, the Kardashians, the GOP as a whole, the Eagles...

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills. After that, conference travel (grad students don't get reimbursed nearly enough).

15. What did you get really excited about?

The Hunger Games trailer. Putting my dissertation committee together and seeing the light at the end of the (very stressful) tunnel. The Muppets.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Ooh, good question. I've blogged about songs before, and I'm sure there is a ton from this past year that will take me back to 2011 for years to come. Honestly, I probably can't name just one. That's cheating on this question, I know.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
Happier, thinner, poorer. Though the latter is such a relative term that it hardly matters.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Writing. Reading. Cooking. Teaching (with that assistantship I wish I'd had). Dancing. Outdoorsy stuff.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Torturing myself for less than stellar decision making? Spending time trying to control things beyond my control? Stressing out about things that end up being ok?

20. How will you spend Christmas?
I was with Kitty on Christmas and then saw my friend Claire's family for cookies. I have this uncanny ability to show up just as dessert is being served. Kitty and I keep it pretty low key--breakfast and just a few presents and then a yummy dinner.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Not unless you count my celebrity crushes on Ryan Gosling and Rachel Maddow. (Jason Segel was already cemented as celeb #1.)

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Well, Rachel became part of my morning routine, but I still love How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report. I broke up with Glee.

23. What was the best book you read?
Oh dear, I read a lot and am currently having literary amnesia. Fun Home was pretty fantastic. Not all of these are from 2011, of course, but if I read it, it's here.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I know it's lame to say this, but I'm sort of "meh" about music. I was introduced to a podcast that keeps me entertained though.

25. What did you want and get?
Accepted to the conferences, this one professor to be on my committee (I was worried he'd say no), tall boots in a color other than black (grey), a couple close new friends, a couple decent haircuts...

26. What did you want and not get?
Hmm. A better price for our house? (I wouldn't have seen any of the money, but it would have been a happier ending.)

27. What was your favorite film of 2011?
I see so many movies that it's hard to keep track, honestly. Crazy, Stupid, Love was good enough to see twice in the theater, as was The Muppets. Tree of Life is highly recommended, too. But really, I saw a lot of good, pretty good, and really good movies. (And a bunch of crappy ones, but I rented those.) It's pretty much my favorite thing to do for fun (on a regular basis, at least; I also like going dancing, but I can't do that more than once every now and then).

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 32, went out for drinks and apps with girlfriends after class.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Seeing some of my best girlfriends more often. And obviously some political things. Idiots.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2011?
Straight jeans, solid tees and cardigans with long, dangly necklaces and a seasonal shoe variation (sandals/flats/tall boots). Winter means sweater dresses and leggings.

31. What kept you sane?
My girlfriends, Morris (though near Thanksgiving, he caused a lot of stress), lots of sleep, BodyAttack class, sitcom reruns, fantasizing about celebrities, Starbucks Awake tea, and M&Ms.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?
I have to pick one? HA! The federal ban/BS about gay marriage and the (idiotic and thankfully defeated) Tennessee Personhood amendment come the most immediately to mind; politics in general get me riled up, so I'm sure there's more.

33. Who did you miss?
My long-distance girlfriends.

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

Life is a lovely mix of what actually happens and how you react to what happens. I knew this already, but it was reinforced.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Wow. That's hard and I can't think of anything. I will share a funny instead: a girlfriend and I were driving around yesterday and "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger came on the radio. I admitted that I used to think the lyric was "put me in a hospital for nerds and then they had to commit me." That is where I belong--committed in a hospital for nerds. The next 18 months are likely to be the cause of that...

Neil Gaiman, I do plan on some good madness for 2012.

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."

I love you, (wo)man

Yesterday, my friend Kate and I were lounging around having a lazy day of movies, snacks and Chinese food. Knowing I was a bit under the weather, Kate brought a couple of DVDs over, and, because she's just that kind of friend, made sure to bring me two of my Hollywood boyfriends--Ryan Gosling and Jason Segel. Gosling's film, The United States of Leland (2004), was a somewhat disappointing indie flick despite the stellar cast. Segel's, however, something I've seen a ton of times, cracked us up and made up for the weirdness of the other. And it is precisely this kind of movie--the comedy you've seen so many times you can anticipate dialogue--that allows for that perfect blend of paying attention and zoning out to chat.

I Love You, Man is about a guy named Peter (played by another Hollywood cutie, Paul Rudd) who, for a variety of reasons, doesn't have a lot of male friends; this makes filling out his side of the bridal party for his upcoming wedding a little difficult, and he sets out on a mission to make at least one close guy friend. Aided by his gay brother (my SNL hearthrob, Andy Samberg), his fiance, and even his mom, he begins going on "man-dates." After several flubs, he meets Sydney Fife (my boyfriend Jason) and they begin this sort of whirlwind best friendship. This newly budding friendship follows a typical trajectory of a courtship--this movie is sort of a homoerotic romantic comedy, after all; they don't call it a "bromance" for nothing--which, naturally, involves a breakup and make up just in time for Peter's wedding. Aw.

Silly? Yes, a bit. But it's also a pretty accurate portrayal of that very strange position we all find ourselves in sometimes--making a new friend. The focus of this movie, is, of course, male friendship, but Kate and I agreed that the overall idea certainly applies to the terror of making new girlfriends, too. In fact, with the exception of the fight/breakup that Peter and Sydney go through, this is exactly what happened to me last year when I first moved to Columbus.

Only one other person began my teeny-tiny graduate program full-time last fall. There were a couple of women who were full-time but ahead of us credit wise, and there were also a couple of girls who started part-time. However, only BP and I were enrolled full-time and at the same point in our academic career. Because of this, we were in several classes together and slowly began to get to know each other by default. And...it was a lot like dating. We both admit now how nervous we were; we didn't want to appear too eager--what if she doesn't like me?--but also secretly were hoping we would get along and become besties. We even talk about the start to our friendship like couples tell the story of how they met: retracing those first, tentative attempts to reach out, our first outings, and finally, that moment that cemented how "we knew."

It began with meeting for tea with the two women significantly ahead of us in the program. We wanted to get the inside scoop on professors and classes and also get a better sense of how to navigate the program as a whole. Later, our small program had a gathering at a professor's house to start the new academic term, and I drove her home. I picked out her email address from a group mailing that had gone around and nervously hit "send" for that first electronic reach-out. We exchanged phone numbers and started to text occasionally. I invited her to an 80s dance party that a meet-up group was hosting. She invited me out to dinner with her and her boyfriend so I could meet him, too. We started alternating who brought tea to our 4:30 classes, and then began carpooling, too, rotating who drove and who paid for Starbucks. That fateful moment when our friendship was cemented came during class one day, when her red cowboy boot got stuck on her foot and she asked me to help yank it off so she could adjust her sock. I mean--how can you not be friends with someone after you help pull off a problematic shoe?

After that, we were sort of inseparable. Her boyfriend lives here, and I have a long-time guy friend who is also local, but we both value female friendships and were committed to making it work. (I guess you could say we were going steady?) We began texting and emailing pretty regularly, assuming we'd be partners for class projects, doing dinner or tea on the weekends. We got to know each other and, despite having very little overlap in that Venn diagram of past experience or "things in common," we get along famously. We had our first sleepover on New Year's Eve and have had a couple since. I got her mail while she was on vacation, she drove me to school one day that I needed a ride. We talk and vent about pretty much everything, from boys and romantic quandaries, school stress, family dynamics, and career aspirations, to bad haircuts, shopping successes, celebrity crushes and how Diet Coke is pretty much our drug of choice. I can safely say she's one of my best friends, and I know the reverse is true, too.

Which is why it didn't seem strange to us that in the spring, after having a couple of classes with this feisty redhead Kate, we sort of decided as a unit that we wanted to be better friends with her. We plotted our first move, braced ourselves for rejection, and were giddy when she said yes to coming out for drinks and apps for my birthday in April. The process of making a new friend began again, but this time, it seemed easier. The texting and emailing, the invites for dinner or tea, the going out dancing, etc. were less nerve-wracking because we had done this successfully before. It wasn't long until Kate became part of our family, too. We certainly hang out with other people a lot of the time, but the three of us have become a pretty solid trio. I don't think a day goes by that I'm not in communication with one or both of them. We keep each other sane, somehow. (They deserve nothing short of a medal for this.)

Female friendship is one of the things that makes my world go 'round, and I've always had a close knit group--high school, college, study abroad, grad school take 1, work--but moving to a new city at 31 made the process pretty daunting. Making new girlfriends is like dating without the flirting and sex--you would think that would make it less frightening, somehow, right? Nope. It's way, way harder. Maybe it's because girls are stereotypically catty and snobby and cliquey? Or maybe it's because if something doesn't work out with a new potential romantic partner, you can chalk it up to bad chemistry or poor timing, wallow in some chocolate and retail therapy, and call it a day. If someone doesn't want to be your friend? Ouch. It is me.

It might not be fodder for an Apatow-esque raunchy comedy, and so far there hasn't been a breakup to add to the plotline, but the writers of I Love You, Man got a few things right.

(Ok, so neither BP nor Kate is Jason Segel.)