This phrase from the "Life is Good" company is on a blue mug that currently serves to hold my extra Splenda. I think I bought it last year at REI with a gift card or something. It may be a trite slogan imprinted on a piece of dyed ceramic, but I believe it.
There are countless pithy sayings about work blazoned across stickers and mugs, but this one I agree with the most. My mom raised me to care less about salary and status, and more about enjoying what you do every day. Because, unless I were to win the lottery, marry a millionaire, or inherit a killing, I am going to have to work nearly every day of my life. Nearly one third of my life will be spent at work; another third I'll be asleep, and the remaining third is spent in "other." For this reason, I believe strongly in enjoying your work (and having a comfortable mattress).
Not everyone agrees with this. I know lots of people see work as the vehicle for earning the money to be able to enjoy that other third. And sure, that helps. But I don't think it helps enough to do something you hate in exchange for more money, or to do something that kills you slowly, thus rendering that "other'" third useless anyway. Of course, some consider it a privilege to be able to quit a job to follow a dream, or to turn down a job you're over qualified for, and I would agree to an extent. Tough times call for tough measures, or so they say, and if I had to feed myself and my family, well, you "do what you gotta do." Luckily, my mom saved her pennies for me to go to college; the government was kind enough to loan me a bunch to go to graduate school, and I am qualified for a job I can "always fall back on" provided I'm willing to work where needed.
Prior to taking a leave of absence, I hadn't loved my job in quite a while, and I missed that feeling. I couldn't put my finger on it until I removed myself from the situation, but teaching was not for me any longer. It didn't allow me to utilize my strengths, made a mockery of my weaknesses, and I felt like I was a cog in a philosophical machine that made me fight an internal battle every day. Sure, I got up and did my job as best I could (most days), and some days I even enjoyed it, but a house divided cannot stand. I wasn't happy. I wasn't pleasant to be around. I noticed; my (soon-to-be ex) spouse noticed; I think even the kids and my colleagues noticed.
Even though lots of people told me I was crazy for giving up a great salary and health insurance during these "tough economic times," and leaving a stable you-can-have-this-til-you-retire job in one of the best school districts in the state of Pennsylvania, I just had to. And I haven't looked back (ok, so maybe I miss that salary). I have not missed teaching for one second. I miss my kids and their energy and wackiness. I miss my colleagues and their friendship and the general feeling of camaraderie. I miss feeling like part of a community and going to things like pep rallies, school plays, etc. I miss running my Model UN club and coaching volleyball (though the team did far better without me this year). But I do not miss teaching itself. I'm technically on a leave of absence, which means my job is mine if I want it back, but let's be honest. I'm not going back.
My job at Ohio State, however, is fantastic. It pays a pittance, but it's a good fit. I am far better as a teacher-resource/teacher-on-the-side/teacher-supporter. I have a great group of student interns who are doing really good work. I help with lesson planning, classroom management issues and ideas, general teaching worries. I observe them, give them feedback, talk with them through their struggles. I am part counselor, part leader, part quasi guru. (I do not claim to have the how-to-teach market cornered, but I have seven more years of experience than they do, and the difference is significant.) I like what I do, and I do it well (or at least, their feedback suggests this). It leaves me with life left at the end of the day and doesn't eat away at my soul.
Of course, my other "job" is to be a student, and that is the best part. Even though she's not very formally educated, my mother has always said she could go to school for the rest of her life; I feel the same. Reading articles and books, thinking about them, discussing them with peers and classmates, and yes, even writing papers about them is interesting to me. It's fun. It gets my brain going, which I need. And, as stupid as it sounds to say, I'm sort of good at it. Not that grades are the be-all, end-all, and there is totally grade inflation at the graduate level (arguably at all levels, but that's for another time), but I do well, and have always done well, in school. I care about it and try to do my best because it matters to me. I was recently accepted to present at my first conference, and I didn't come down off my academic, brain-based high for an entire day. This was someone who has never met me, who doesn't know how often I raise my hand to comment or ask a question, who never had me visit office hours tell me "hey, we think this is interesting and we want to hear more." It's a huge compliment--which, of course, just makes me worry that I'm a fraud and that I actually have no idea what I'm doing. But, for the moments in between the fear, it's a total ego boost.
Of course, I'm doing all of this--writing papers, applying for conferences, living on a measly budget in my early 30s and probably accruing more debt--in order to hopefully be a professor. I am in a little niche market in academia (there are only 5 Ph.D programs for my subject in the country, though lots of Master's programs) but it is under the bigger umbrella of education. That said, there is a complete and utter likelihood that I won't be employed in that fashion. What then? What if you work your ass off and aim for this and it doesn't work out right away? Well, I don't know. I could adjunct, though it's hard to live alone that way. I could consult for school districts, I guess. I hope to write children's and YA books some day (I have the basic idea for a YA series loosely based on my high school experience with my best friends). I could maybe somehow work for a publisher, or do reviews? I don't exactly know.
For now, I am going to sort of tuck that away and focus on next quarter, and the next. I'm waiting to hear back from another conference. I have to write a paper over this break so I can apply for an award at the first conference. I have to figure out how to negotiate taking more-than-the-recommended credits, working, and tutoring during my least favorite, least productive season of the year. I would love to be able to say that winter will leave me unscathed this year because my professional life is vastly improved, but that's just not how brain chemicals work. But, as always, I'll get through it, and then it will be Spring.
Even though I had to close a door (a big door) for this window to open, it's one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Some people can just show up for a job they hate every day and then leave it at the door. I actually admire these people--how much easier would my life be if I could do that? Maybe it's a character flaw that I can't do that, but I don't think so. Don't get me wrong--I'm not out there solving world hunger, or educating people about rape and domestic abuse like one of my best friends does. I'm not helping the Democrats negotiate tax breaks for the middle class, preventing suicides in gay teenagers, or nursing people back to health. What I'm doing in the grand scheme of things isn't all that important to the world (well, ok; having kids and teenagers love to read is important), but it allows me to be a kinder person (even to strangers), a better friend, someday a better partner, a more pleasant daughter, a more loving cat-mom. I will never make a ton of money, will always have to work hard, and I can't retire til I'm pretty stinkin' old. But to me, it has been worth it.
As Confucius said, find a job you love, and you'll never work a day in your life.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
25 Days of Thank You
I've been inspired by the new Facebook trend to post one thing a day from now until Thanksgiving, but I don't want to do it via status updates. Instead, I'd rather keep the list going here, and publish it when I'm finished. I don't like to over-update on the old FB, and what if I had something else that just had to be alerted to the general populace? (I realize I'm not that important, but still.) Also, I'd like to focus on the smaller, often overlooked aspects of life--of course I'm thankful for my friends and family, for my health, for the freedoms and rights afforded me by living in America. Of course. I have some of the best friends on the Earth who have seen me through it all; my mom (as I blogged earlier) is easily one of my favorite people, and America, for all its issues and flaws, is still a great place to live. No, I want to think about the cliched "little things."
In no particular order...
1. I am thankful for crisp, but not uncomfortably cold, fall days when the sky is blue, the leaves have turned, the sun is out and the squirrels are scampering.
2. That 7 years ago I found an ad on petfinder.com for a deaf orange cat on the verge of being put down because no one wanted him (what with the deafness and all) and that I took a chance on this pathetic sounding little guy. Morris is the cutest, snuggliest, friendliest cat and enriches my life every day, despite his myriad health issues (no eardrums, pee crystals...). Sometimes I just look at him and burst with how much I love him. I love how he snores; I love how he gets this curious, quizzical look on his face when he's watching the squirrels. I could go on, but I'd probably disgust you.
3. That there are people willing to and keenly capable at doing jobs that benefit me (and most other people) without being especially glamorous. I'm thinking car mechanics, nail technicians, seamstresses, plumbers, heating and cooling maintenance, pet groomers, bus drivers, mail delivery persons, gas station attendants (in New Jersey), supermarket bakery and meat counter workers, the overnight custodians who make the places I visit look nice in the secret of night, etc. Thank you for all you do that makes my life, and the lives of others, a lot easier and more pleasant.
4. I'm grateful for being pleasantly surprised. One of my student teachers totally "got us" all in class today as part of a lesson and it was so great I couldn't stop smiling afterward. I don't love all surprises, actually--especially if it's one of the "I have something for you but I can't give it to you yet"--variety, but when you least expect something to happen, and then it does, and it's a good thing...awesome. And I'm glad the world has moments like these and that I am occasionally privy to them.
5. For first impressions, second chances, three strikes. These are all important things to live by, at least sometimes. (I also go for third chances, 2 strikes, etc. )
6. For summer weather, fall food, winter wonderlands and spring cleaning. I have lived in a place that is pretty monoseasonal, and it's just not as enjoyable as having all four cycle through the year in a relatively predictable fashion. Sure, last year it was 90 in early April and 50 in May and we got a near apocalyptic amount of snow, but the changes are worth it. Football season is better with hoodies and chili, baseball is better with sunshine and burgers. (It is currently warmish for early November; someone remind me to reread this in mid-February when it's grey and bleak and I haven't left the house in 4 days and am eating rice pudding every night as Seasonal Affective Disorder self-medication.)
7. For well written books, well-directed films, beautiful art, well-composed music....basically, I am so grateful that our world contains a wide variety of things that are artistic and beautiful. The world and my life would be so depressing without Monet, Renoir, Mozart, Darren Aronofsky, Phillip Glass, Joss Whedon, Picasso, Vivaldi, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Toni Morrison, Julia Alvarez,..oh my. I could go on. Of course, taste is subjective and the same art does not appeal to everyone, but I for one am glad for "Waterlilies."
8. That being said, I'm also thankful that movies like "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" and shows like Sex and the City and songs like "Bad Romance" and books like The Mortal Instruments exist. Maybe not high quality but fun and brainless and easy to enjoy.
9. I'm thankful that "all" I have to do is pay someone some money and I get a roof over my head and hot water in my shower. Sure, at the moment my current economic state renders the space small and the cost about 50% of my monthly take home pay, but I am far, far luckier than those who do not have access to shelter and who cannot take a hot shower every day, if ever.
10. I also have the luxury of paying money and walking out of a store with nutritious food to bring home and prepare. I don't have to scrounge, hunt or gather (unless I so choose), nor do I worry where my next meal will come from. I wake up every day knowing I will eat. Most of the time, I eat a lot. How lucky!
11. I am thankful that, despite going to a high school that was pretty consistently ranked near the bottom of the pile, I had some really good teachers whose lessons and instruction were so good that I still remember the content 12 plus years later. I recently tutored a girl in Honors Geometry and remember almost everything about triangles and exterior angles and how to solve to find them, etc. I learned this stuff when I was 14! And, to be fair, haven't really used it much, except to take the SAT and GRE. Sure, I'm a relatively intelligent person, but my teachers were also pretty darn good, apparently.
12. I am grateful for the train that runs near my apartment. It sounds so hauntingly beautiful, especially at night.
13. I am thankful for competent, caring medical professionals who treated my friend Joel who is now hopefully in full remission and won't have to go through surgery that would remove some pretty important body parts. My mom also had a simple procedure recently (and had pretty intense surgery a few years ago) and she was well cared for. Doctors, nurses, NPs, PAs, techs, EMTs who care about their patients, listen well and are thoughtful and precise with their treatments and diagnoses are irreplaceable. (My mom is one of these people, as is my friend Jennie.)
14. I am thankful for group fitness classes and the people who teach them! No matter where I have lived or on what salary, one of the first things I do is join a gym. I can't help it--I'm crazy that way. And all of my self-motivation gets exhausted by work or school, so I need the help to work out. Out of desperation, I'll use the elliptical or treadmill or bike or something, but I live for BodyAttack, BodyPump, BodyStep, Cardio-Strength and (back in PA) Kettlebell. My BodyAttack class even feels like a mini-family since we all stand in the same place every time and have gotten to sort of know each other. I need the specific time slot and the presence of others to keep me accountable.
15. I am thankful for the kindness of strangers. Today, a girl and I were waiting for the women's restroom to open up after cleaning. We were both sort of doing the pee dance, and so I offered to watch the door of the men's room while she used it if she would return the favor. Two days ago I had the most cheerful bus driver I've ever met, and you could tell that she had struck up a friendship with a woman in a wheelchair who is a "regular" on her route. I do believe that people are inherently good and these little moments remind me of that.
16. It sounds dumb, but I am grateful for technology and the Internet. I know I was a anti Facebook for a while (and am now addicted), but it has allowed me to not only stay in contact with my friends and reacquaint with old ones, but I've even gotten to know my half siblings whom I have never met in person. Gchat is a lifeline, as is my cell phone, and I love reading personal blogs. I am in a place in my life where I need human contact and without Mark Zuckerberg or the team at Google, my life would be much emptier. Or at least seem that way. And for all the criticism it gets, I now have a wee bit of income thanks to Craigslist. I am also grateful for my cellphone, DVR, and even the fancy alarm clock I have that sets itself when the power goes out. Because of the internet, I can listen to my weekly podcasts and be seated comfortably in a cozy chair doing research for a class.
17. If I am thankful for the people who do unappreciated behind the scenes work (#3), I am also thankful for those people in the limelight who are well paid to bring some brilliance and insight in our world. People like Jon Stewart, Rachel Maddow, Dan Savage, Anderson Cooper and the rest of the liberal news media tend to make my day. Don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate that their conservative counterparts have a venue too (ok, maybe I'm not thankful for Fox itself...) but those are not the people bringing the sunshine into my life.
18. I'm not a foodie by any means, but man oh man, am I grateful for the beet dip at The Burgundy Room here in Columbus. Honestly the best thing I've ever eaten. They also had this amazing roasted asparagus dish that was to die for, but they just got a new chef and it is no longer on their menu. Sigh. At least I had it once. Other foodstuffs that make me melt include the harvest roll at Haiku, the (now unavailable) pineapple coconut cake at Margaritaville (I know, a chain, how lame of me), and the cream of caramelized onion soup at my former place of employment, The King George Inn in Allentown. The chef was a jerk, but man. That soup.
19. I am also not too big of a drinker, but I also get in a tizzy for the peach sangria at Barcelona, the flirtinis at Landmark, the margaritas at El Vez in Philly and Doc Loosen riesling (which I get at The Burgundy Room with my beet dip). Some days you just "need a drink" and one sip of any of these...well, I am grateful for them!
20. This Thanksgiving, I am a little bit unmoored, both physically and emotionally, and I am thankful that really, I always have a place to go. I can't be home with my mom and my home in PA is no longer an option, but I have friends who invited me to celebrate with them, new classmates who did the same, and OSU opens its doors to students who have no other place to go as well. People do want you to feel "at home" even when you don't really have one.
21. Though I've only really ever had cats, I love dogs, too, and I love sleeping with my friend Matt's dog, Milo. He curls up under the blankets at my feet and is my personal four-legged toaster oven. He's also pretty snuggly on the couch and a nice excuse to go outside for a walk.
22. You know what? I'll be so bold as to say I am thankful for hot men. I have been chastised for having odd taste, but seriously, there are some good looking people in the world. Some of my personal favorites include Jason Segel, Jon Stewart, Andy Samberg, Jake Gyllenhaal, Matthew Gray Gubler, Shemar Moore, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Jon Hamm, Hugh Jackman, Andy Roddick, John Krasinski...again, taste is totally subjective, but these guys? Yowza. And, hey, I won't be so sexually rigid that I can't name some hot women, too: Reese Witherspoon, Julianne Moore, Tina Fey, the girl who does the Aveeno ads, Zooey Deschanel, Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Aniston, Bar Rafaeli...gorgeous. Of course, I have hot friends (male and female) too, but it's far safer to name the famous people.
23. I am thankful for little rituals and traditions, be they big or small, public or private. The beloved hippie dj on my favorite Philadelphia radio station always plays "Alice's Restaurant" on Thanksgiving--all 18+ minutes of it--three times. ABC family has the "25 Days of Christmas" on tv for our holiday movie viewing pleasure. My friend Ali always hosts a holiday party that is one of my favorite things all year. I am sure everyone has family rituals, especially around this time of year, that bring them a little bit of extra happiness. My mom and I usually work at a soup kitchen; some people play football, others have board games, parade viewings, a Turkey Trot, even the 5 am Black Friday trip to the mall with a coffee run first.
24. While I do enjoy the comfortably crisp fall days (#1), I also very much enjoy the non-politically correct named Indian Summer. It was almost 70 out the other day--in late November! I won't spout off on whether this is a result of global warming or what have you, but I'll certainly take it.
25. Lastly, I am glad for grief, happiness, disappointment, jealousy, empathy, joy, love, heartache....all of these emotions and feelings that make us so utterly, inescapably human. Without them, we would all be flatlining our way through life. Sure, some of those are terrible feelings, but they don't last forever. When you've come out on the other side of those, the good ones--joy, happiness, gratitude, love--seem that much richer. I am so, so glad I have all of them.
In no particular order...
1. I am thankful for crisp, but not uncomfortably cold, fall days when the sky is blue, the leaves have turned, the sun is out and the squirrels are scampering.
2. That 7 years ago I found an ad on petfinder.com for a deaf orange cat on the verge of being put down because no one wanted him (what with the deafness and all) and that I took a chance on this pathetic sounding little guy. Morris is the cutest, snuggliest, friendliest cat and enriches my life every day, despite his myriad health issues (no eardrums, pee crystals...). Sometimes I just look at him and burst with how much I love him. I love how he snores; I love how he gets this curious, quizzical look on his face when he's watching the squirrels. I could go on, but I'd probably disgust you.
3. That there are people willing to and keenly capable at doing jobs that benefit me (and most other people) without being especially glamorous. I'm thinking car mechanics, nail technicians, seamstresses, plumbers, heating and cooling maintenance, pet groomers, bus drivers, mail delivery persons, gas station attendants (in New Jersey), supermarket bakery and meat counter workers, the overnight custodians who make the places I visit look nice in the secret of night, etc. Thank you for all you do that makes my life, and the lives of others, a lot easier and more pleasant.
4. I'm grateful for being pleasantly surprised. One of my student teachers totally "got us" all in class today as part of a lesson and it was so great I couldn't stop smiling afterward. I don't love all surprises, actually--especially if it's one of the "I have something for you but I can't give it to you yet"--variety, but when you least expect something to happen, and then it does, and it's a good thing...awesome. And I'm glad the world has moments like these and that I am occasionally privy to them.
5. For first impressions, second chances, three strikes. These are all important things to live by, at least sometimes. (I also go for third chances, 2 strikes, etc. )
6. For summer weather, fall food, winter wonderlands and spring cleaning. I have lived in a place that is pretty monoseasonal, and it's just not as enjoyable as having all four cycle through the year in a relatively predictable fashion. Sure, last year it was 90 in early April and 50 in May and we got a near apocalyptic amount of snow, but the changes are worth it. Football season is better with hoodies and chili, baseball is better with sunshine and burgers. (It is currently warmish for early November; someone remind me to reread this in mid-February when it's grey and bleak and I haven't left the house in 4 days and am eating rice pudding every night as Seasonal Affective Disorder self-medication.)
7. For well written books, well-directed films, beautiful art, well-composed music....basically, I am so grateful that our world contains a wide variety of things that are artistic and beautiful. The world and my life would be so depressing without Monet, Renoir, Mozart, Darren Aronofsky, Phillip Glass, Joss Whedon, Picasso, Vivaldi, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Toni Morrison, Julia Alvarez,..oh my. I could go on. Of course, taste is subjective and the same art does not appeal to everyone, but I for one am glad for "Waterlilies."
8. That being said, I'm also thankful that movies like "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" and shows like Sex and the City and songs like "Bad Romance" and books like The Mortal Instruments exist. Maybe not high quality but fun and brainless and easy to enjoy.
9. I'm thankful that "all" I have to do is pay someone some money and I get a roof over my head and hot water in my shower. Sure, at the moment my current economic state renders the space small and the cost about 50% of my monthly take home pay, but I am far, far luckier than those who do not have access to shelter and who cannot take a hot shower every day, if ever.
10. I also have the luxury of paying money and walking out of a store with nutritious food to bring home and prepare. I don't have to scrounge, hunt or gather (unless I so choose), nor do I worry where my next meal will come from. I wake up every day knowing I will eat. Most of the time, I eat a lot. How lucky!
11. I am thankful that, despite going to a high school that was pretty consistently ranked near the bottom of the pile, I had some really good teachers whose lessons and instruction were so good that I still remember the content 12 plus years later. I recently tutored a girl in Honors Geometry and remember almost everything about triangles and exterior angles and how to solve to find them, etc. I learned this stuff when I was 14! And, to be fair, haven't really used it much, except to take the SAT and GRE. Sure, I'm a relatively intelligent person, but my teachers were also pretty darn good, apparently.
12. I am grateful for the train that runs near my apartment. It sounds so hauntingly beautiful, especially at night.
13. I am thankful for competent, caring medical professionals who treated my friend Joel who is now hopefully in full remission and won't have to go through surgery that would remove some pretty important body parts. My mom also had a simple procedure recently (and had pretty intense surgery a few years ago) and she was well cared for. Doctors, nurses, NPs, PAs, techs, EMTs who care about their patients, listen well and are thoughtful and precise with their treatments and diagnoses are irreplaceable. (My mom is one of these people, as is my friend Jennie.)
14. I am thankful for group fitness classes and the people who teach them! No matter where I have lived or on what salary, one of the first things I do is join a gym. I can't help it--I'm crazy that way. And all of my self-motivation gets exhausted by work or school, so I need the help to work out. Out of desperation, I'll use the elliptical or treadmill or bike or something, but I live for BodyAttack, BodyPump, BodyStep, Cardio-Strength and (back in PA) Kettlebell. My BodyAttack class even feels like a mini-family since we all stand in the same place every time and have gotten to sort of know each other. I need the specific time slot and the presence of others to keep me accountable.
15. I am thankful for the kindness of strangers. Today, a girl and I were waiting for the women's restroom to open up after cleaning. We were both sort of doing the pee dance, and so I offered to watch the door of the men's room while she used it if she would return the favor. Two days ago I had the most cheerful bus driver I've ever met, and you could tell that she had struck up a friendship with a woman in a wheelchair who is a "regular" on her route. I do believe that people are inherently good and these little moments remind me of that.
16. It sounds dumb, but I am grateful for technology and the Internet. I know I was a anti Facebook for a while (and am now addicted), but it has allowed me to not only stay in contact with my friends and reacquaint with old ones, but I've even gotten to know my half siblings whom I have never met in person. Gchat is a lifeline, as is my cell phone, and I love reading personal blogs. I am in a place in my life where I need human contact and without Mark Zuckerberg or the team at Google, my life would be much emptier. Or at least seem that way. And for all the criticism it gets, I now have a wee bit of income thanks to Craigslist. I am also grateful for my cellphone, DVR, and even the fancy alarm clock I have that sets itself when the power goes out. Because of the internet, I can listen to my weekly podcasts and be seated comfortably in a cozy chair doing research for a class.
17. If I am thankful for the people who do unappreciated behind the scenes work (#3), I am also thankful for those people in the limelight who are well paid to bring some brilliance and insight in our world. People like Jon Stewart, Rachel Maddow, Dan Savage, Anderson Cooper and the rest of the liberal news media tend to make my day. Don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate that their conservative counterparts have a venue too (ok, maybe I'm not thankful for Fox itself...) but those are not the people bringing the sunshine into my life.
18. I'm not a foodie by any means, but man oh man, am I grateful for the beet dip at The Burgundy Room here in Columbus. Honestly the best thing I've ever eaten. They also had this amazing roasted asparagus dish that was to die for, but they just got a new chef and it is no longer on their menu. Sigh. At least I had it once. Other foodstuffs that make me melt include the harvest roll at Haiku, the (now unavailable) pineapple coconut cake at Margaritaville (I know, a chain, how lame of me), and the cream of caramelized onion soup at my former place of employment, The King George Inn in Allentown. The chef was a jerk, but man. That soup.
19. I am also not too big of a drinker, but I also get in a tizzy for the peach sangria at Barcelona, the flirtinis at Landmark, the margaritas at El Vez in Philly and Doc Loosen riesling (which I get at The Burgundy Room with my beet dip). Some days you just "need a drink" and one sip of any of these...well, I am grateful for them!
20. This Thanksgiving, I am a little bit unmoored, both physically and emotionally, and I am thankful that really, I always have a place to go. I can't be home with my mom and my home in PA is no longer an option, but I have friends who invited me to celebrate with them, new classmates who did the same, and OSU opens its doors to students who have no other place to go as well. People do want you to feel "at home" even when you don't really have one.
21. Though I've only really ever had cats, I love dogs, too, and I love sleeping with my friend Matt's dog, Milo. He curls up under the blankets at my feet and is my personal four-legged toaster oven. He's also pretty snuggly on the couch and a nice excuse to go outside for a walk.
22. You know what? I'll be so bold as to say I am thankful for hot men. I have been chastised for having odd taste, but seriously, there are some good looking people in the world. Some of my personal favorites include Jason Segel, Jon Stewart, Andy Samberg, Jake Gyllenhaal, Matthew Gray Gubler, Shemar Moore, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Jon Hamm, Hugh Jackman, Andy Roddick, John Krasinski...again, taste is totally subjective, but these guys? Yowza. And, hey, I won't be so sexually rigid that I can't name some hot women, too: Reese Witherspoon, Julianne Moore, Tina Fey, the girl who does the Aveeno ads, Zooey Deschanel, Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Aniston, Bar Rafaeli...gorgeous. Of course, I have hot friends (male and female) too, but it's far safer to name the famous people.
23. I am thankful for little rituals and traditions, be they big or small, public or private. The beloved hippie dj on my favorite Philadelphia radio station always plays "Alice's Restaurant" on Thanksgiving--all 18+ minutes of it--three times. ABC family has the "25 Days of Christmas" on tv for our holiday movie viewing pleasure. My friend Ali always hosts a holiday party that is one of my favorite things all year. I am sure everyone has family rituals, especially around this time of year, that bring them a little bit of extra happiness. My mom and I usually work at a soup kitchen; some people play football, others have board games, parade viewings, a Turkey Trot, even the 5 am Black Friday trip to the mall with a coffee run first.
24. While I do enjoy the comfortably crisp fall days (#1), I also very much enjoy the non-politically correct named Indian Summer. It was almost 70 out the other day--in late November! I won't spout off on whether this is a result of global warming or what have you, but I'll certainly take it.
25. Lastly, I am glad for grief, happiness, disappointment, jealousy, empathy, joy, love, heartache....all of these emotions and feelings that make us so utterly, inescapably human. Without them, we would all be flatlining our way through life. Sure, some of those are terrible feelings, but they don't last forever. When you've come out on the other side of those, the good ones--joy, happiness, gratitude, love--seem that much richer. I am so, so glad I have all of them.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I am my mother's daughter
I haven't blogged in a while because not a lot has been going on. Well, that's not entirely true. There is a lot of schoolwork going on (but that's not exactly an enticing blog topic) and some personal things going on (but I don't like to use this as a therapeutic vehicle) so I guess what's more accurate is that I haven't felt like there is anything blog-worthy going on in my life. Except that my mom came to visit.
My mother and I have an...interesting relationship. I am her only child; she is my only parent. We were alone together for most of my life, minus a brief, wretched hiatus when we merged temporarily with her new husband and child to form one of those "blended" family that got so much attention in the 90s. (A disaster. "Nuff said.) Because she waited until "later" to have me, I was going through puberty while she was going through menopause--as if the mother-daughter relationship isn't difficult enough! All sorts of factors combined during those years to make life difficult for both of us, but eventually we got to the point we are now. We respect each other as adult females who are not just mother and daughter, but also sort of friends.
She came to Columbus for nearly a week, and I joked with friends that we would kill each other after only a few days: teeny, tiny apartment, two big personalities. But we did ok. I was more patient with her than I probably used to be (living alone does help with that as I don't have to mediate another relationship in the house), and she was more easy-going than I remember her. We did all sorts of things--on her dime, thanks very much!--visited campus, went to the art museum, toured the gardens at a Conservatory, ate and shopped at the North Market. She cooked me three delicious dinners, helped me with my temporary car crisis, adored Morris ("my only grandchild, probably," she sighed), and saw a movie with my friend Matt. Sure, she drove me nuts a few times--in the grocery store, every night when we tried to sleep in my bed (we're both tiny but take up tons of space while sleeping), and each time I drove us somewhere. But generally, we had a great time together.
What probably helps is that my mom is "young at heart" and I am an "old soul" so we sort of average out our 35 year age difference. She has tons of friends, many of whom are closer to my age than hers. She is physically active and hikes, bikes, and kayaks. She religiously goes to yoga on Saturday mornings, walks the "rail trail" a couple times of week no matter the weather, and has taken up both cross-country and downhill skiing since she turned 60. She is constantly out to dinner with this friend or that, participates in various community activities like the library book sale, choir, and church bazaar, volunteers with the Humane Society and for the hospital migrant outreach program, and the list goes on. She is wildly popular, fantastic at her job, kind, generous with others (though frugal with herself), takes care of the neighborhood feral cats, and would feed the birds with her last dollar. She reads voraciously, takes herself to watch the opera on the big-screen, and considers a head of broccoli with melted cheese and a glass of wine dinner.
Don't get me wrong, my mother is certainly not fault free. She hovers, nags, is super overprotective-still-and impulsive. I mean, the woman won't spend $20 on a pair of jeans, but she'll decide on a whim to buy a car even though she lost the ability to drive on a highway around 1990. She is technologically challenged--she still calls it 'the email'--and as someone who has spent most of her adult life taking care of herself and living alone, she has moments of selfishness (I mean, who doesn't, but still). I joke that she's a hoarder, but it's more honest to say that she's a pack-rat who enjoys "decorative clutter."
I hope that people believe I embody many of my mother's positive traits. I do tend to spend money on others before myself, like to be active in various things, have the need to work out frequently (though I head to the gym instead of the great outdoors), and graze for my meals. I'm also impulsive and clearly can be selfish. Though we look nothing alike, our body types and mannerisms are practically identical. We're both tiny-waisted and generally petite, but we carry our weight in our lower halves. We have wide rib cages but narrow hips, short legs and small breasts. We talk with our hands, double over when we laugh and even show excitement the same way, with sort of a whole body electricity. We're both liberal animal lovers who listen to NPR and love being in love. We both enjoy sending magazine articles or funny comics to our friends and need to eat all the time. Seriously. An ex-boyfriend once said that he had never seen someone my mother's size eat like that after she devoured every food you can find at a fair.
Oscar Wilde wrote "[a]ll women become like their mothers. That's their tragedy." With some, maybe. But not for me.
My mother and I have an...interesting relationship. I am her only child; she is my only parent. We were alone together for most of my life, minus a brief, wretched hiatus when we merged temporarily with her new husband and child to form one of those "blended" family that got so much attention in the 90s. (A disaster. "Nuff said.) Because she waited until "later" to have me, I was going through puberty while she was going through menopause--as if the mother-daughter relationship isn't difficult enough! All sorts of factors combined during those years to make life difficult for both of us, but eventually we got to the point we are now. We respect each other as adult females who are not just mother and daughter, but also sort of friends.
She came to Columbus for nearly a week, and I joked with friends that we would kill each other after only a few days: teeny, tiny apartment, two big personalities. But we did ok. I was more patient with her than I probably used to be (living alone does help with that as I don't have to mediate another relationship in the house), and she was more easy-going than I remember her. We did all sorts of things--on her dime, thanks very much!--visited campus, went to the art museum, toured the gardens at a Conservatory, ate and shopped at the North Market. She cooked me three delicious dinners, helped me with my temporary car crisis, adored Morris ("my only grandchild, probably," she sighed), and saw a movie with my friend Matt. Sure, she drove me nuts a few times--in the grocery store, every night when we tried to sleep in my bed (we're both tiny but take up tons of space while sleeping), and each time I drove us somewhere. But generally, we had a great time together.
What probably helps is that my mom is "young at heart" and I am an "old soul" so we sort of average out our 35 year age difference. She has tons of friends, many of whom are closer to my age than hers. She is physically active and hikes, bikes, and kayaks. She religiously goes to yoga on Saturday mornings, walks the "rail trail" a couple times of week no matter the weather, and has taken up both cross-country and downhill skiing since she turned 60. She is constantly out to dinner with this friend or that, participates in various community activities like the library book sale, choir, and church bazaar, volunteers with the Humane Society and for the hospital migrant outreach program, and the list goes on. She is wildly popular, fantastic at her job, kind, generous with others (though frugal with herself), takes care of the neighborhood feral cats, and would feed the birds with her last dollar. She reads voraciously, takes herself to watch the opera on the big-screen, and considers a head of broccoli with melted cheese and a glass of wine dinner.
Don't get me wrong, my mother is certainly not fault free. She hovers, nags, is super overprotective-still-and impulsive. I mean, the woman won't spend $20 on a pair of jeans, but she'll decide on a whim to buy a car even though she lost the ability to drive on a highway around 1990. She is technologically challenged--she still calls it 'the email'--and as someone who has spent most of her adult life taking care of herself and living alone, she has moments of selfishness (I mean, who doesn't, but still). I joke that she's a hoarder, but it's more honest to say that she's a pack-rat who enjoys "decorative clutter."
I hope that people believe I embody many of my mother's positive traits. I do tend to spend money on others before myself, like to be active in various things, have the need to work out frequently (though I head to the gym instead of the great outdoors), and graze for my meals. I'm also impulsive and clearly can be selfish. Though we look nothing alike, our body types and mannerisms are practically identical. We're both tiny-waisted and generally petite, but we carry our weight in our lower halves. We have wide rib cages but narrow hips, short legs and small breasts. We talk with our hands, double over when we laugh and even show excitement the same way, with sort of a whole body electricity. We're both liberal animal lovers who listen to NPR and love being in love. We both enjoy sending magazine articles or funny comics to our friends and need to eat all the time. Seriously. An ex-boyfriend once said that he had never seen someone my mother's size eat like that after she devoured every food you can find at a fair.
Oscar Wilde wrote "[a]ll women become like their mothers. That's their tragedy." With some, maybe. But not for me.
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