This phrase from the "Life is Good" company is on a blue mug that currently serves to hold my extra Splenda. I think I bought it last year at REI with a gift card or something. It may be a trite slogan imprinted on a piece of dyed ceramic, but I believe it.
There are countless pithy sayings about work blazoned across stickers and mugs, but this one I agree with the most. My mom raised me to care less about salary and status, and more about enjoying what you do every day. Because, unless I were to win the lottery, marry a millionaire, or inherit a killing, I am going to have to work nearly every day of my life. Nearly one third of my life will be spent at work; another third I'll be asleep, and the remaining third is spent in "other." For this reason, I believe strongly in enjoying your work (and having a comfortable mattress).
Not everyone agrees with this. I know lots of people see work as the vehicle for earning the money to be able to enjoy that other third. And sure, that helps. But I don't think it helps enough to do something you hate in exchange for more money, or to do something that kills you slowly, thus rendering that "other'" third useless anyway. Of course, some consider it a privilege to be able to quit a job to follow a dream, or to turn down a job you're over qualified for, and I would agree to an extent. Tough times call for tough measures, or so they say, and if I had to feed myself and my family, well, you "do what you gotta do." Luckily, my mom saved her pennies for me to go to college; the government was kind enough to loan me a bunch to go to graduate school, and I am qualified for a job I can "always fall back on" provided I'm willing to work where needed.
Prior to taking a leave of absence, I hadn't loved my job in quite a while, and I missed that feeling. I couldn't put my finger on it until I removed myself from the situation, but teaching was not for me any longer. It didn't allow me to utilize my strengths, made a mockery of my weaknesses, and I felt like I was a cog in a philosophical machine that made me fight an internal battle every day. Sure, I got up and did my job as best I could (most days), and some days I even enjoyed it, but a house divided cannot stand. I wasn't happy. I wasn't pleasant to be around. I noticed; my (soon-to-be ex) spouse noticed; I think even the kids and my colleagues noticed.
Even though lots of people told me I was crazy for giving up a great salary and health insurance during these "tough economic times," and leaving a stable you-can-have-this-til-you-retire job in one of the best school districts in the state of Pennsylvania, I just had to. And I haven't looked back (ok, so maybe I miss that salary). I have not missed teaching for one second. I miss my kids and their energy and wackiness. I miss my colleagues and their friendship and the general feeling of camaraderie. I miss feeling like part of a community and going to things like pep rallies, school plays, etc. I miss running my Model UN club and coaching volleyball (though the team did far better without me this year). But I do not miss teaching itself. I'm technically on a leave of absence, which means my job is mine if I want it back, but let's be honest. I'm not going back.
My job at Ohio State, however, is fantastic. It pays a pittance, but it's a good fit. I am far better as a teacher-resource/teacher-on-the-side/teacher-supporter. I have a great group of student interns who are doing really good work. I help with lesson planning, classroom management issues and ideas, general teaching worries. I observe them, give them feedback, talk with them through their struggles. I am part counselor, part leader, part quasi guru. (I do not claim to have the how-to-teach market cornered, but I have seven more years of experience than they do, and the difference is significant.) I like what I do, and I do it well (or at least, their feedback suggests this). It leaves me with life left at the end of the day and doesn't eat away at my soul.
Of course, my other "job" is to be a student, and that is the best part. Even though she's not very formally educated, my mother has always said she could go to school for the rest of her life; I feel the same. Reading articles and books, thinking about them, discussing them with peers and classmates, and yes, even writing papers about them is interesting to me. It's fun. It gets my brain going, which I need. And, as stupid as it sounds to say, I'm sort of good at it. Not that grades are the be-all, end-all, and there is totally grade inflation at the graduate level (arguably at all levels, but that's for another time), but I do well, and have always done well, in school. I care about it and try to do my best because it matters to me. I was recently accepted to present at my first conference, and I didn't come down off my academic, brain-based high for an entire day. This was someone who has never met me, who doesn't know how often I raise my hand to comment or ask a question, who never had me visit office hours tell me "hey, we think this is interesting and we want to hear more." It's a huge compliment--which, of course, just makes me worry that I'm a fraud and that I actually have no idea what I'm doing. But, for the moments in between the fear, it's a total ego boost.
Of course, I'm doing all of this--writing papers, applying for conferences, living on a measly budget in my early 30s and probably accruing more debt--in order to hopefully be a professor. I am in a little niche market in academia (there are only 5 Ph.D programs for my subject in the country, though lots of Master's programs) but it is under the bigger umbrella of education. That said, there is a complete and utter likelihood that I won't be employed in that fashion. What then? What if you work your ass off and aim for this and it doesn't work out right away? Well, I don't know. I could adjunct, though it's hard to live alone that way. I could consult for school districts, I guess. I hope to write children's and YA books some day (I have the basic idea for a YA series loosely based on my high school experience with my best friends). I could maybe somehow work for a publisher, or do reviews? I don't exactly know.
For now, I am going to sort of tuck that away and focus on next quarter, and the next. I'm waiting to hear back from another conference. I have to write a paper over this break so I can apply for an award at the first conference. I have to figure out how to negotiate taking more-than-the-recommended credits, working, and tutoring during my least favorite, least productive season of the year. I would love to be able to say that winter will leave me unscathed this year because my professional life is vastly improved, but that's just not how brain chemicals work. But, as always, I'll get through it, and then it will be Spring.
Even though I had to close a door (a big door) for this window to open, it's one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Some people can just show up for a job they hate every day and then leave it at the door. I actually admire these people--how much easier would my life be if I could do that? Maybe it's a character flaw that I can't do that, but I don't think so. Don't get me wrong--I'm not out there solving world hunger, or educating people about rape and domestic abuse like one of my best friends does. I'm not helping the Democrats negotiate tax breaks for the middle class, preventing suicides in gay teenagers, or nursing people back to health. What I'm doing in the grand scheme of things isn't all that important to the world (well, ok; having kids and teenagers love to read is important), but it allows me to be a kinder person (even to strangers), a better friend, someday a better partner, a more pleasant daughter, a more loving cat-mom. I will never make a ton of money, will always have to work hard, and I can't retire til I'm pretty stinkin' old. But to me, it has been worth it.
As Confucius said, find a job you love, and you'll never work a day in your life.
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