I do know what I don't know...

This week's episode of How I Met your Mother featured a subplot about gaps in knowledge--things that "everyone knows" that you are horribly unaware of, mislead to believe or unable to do. On the show, some of the gaps included not knowing how to use a screwdriver/tools, believing the North Pole to be only a fictional place, and pronouncing the word chameleon 'cham-eh-LEE-on', as well as the inability to wink. A friend of mine and I had an email exchange about whether "skills" and "knowledge" should be categorized under the same heading, but for now, we'll go with it.

This got me thinking to what glaring holes exist in my information base.

• In third grade, I was convinced that a thesaurus was a book about dinosaurs. I mean, right?
• Also in elementary school, I didn't get why the word "hump" was funny. I've mentioned this before. (As well as the fact that as a senior I thought 'doggystyle' meant anal. Oy.)
• Until 2002, I had zero clue what a "down" in football meant. Or why having four was worse than having one. I mean--wouldn't four be better? But no, fourth down is apparently a bad thing, I now understand. I also now get why on earth you might punt v. attempt a field goal, pass v. throw in a give situation, etc. Again, I don't get the finely tuned nuances of the game, but I get the bigger points.
• That said, I am aware of the fact that the rules are different for college, but don't know them. And despite being currently enrolled at a Big 10 football school--albeit one dealing with a huge scandal--and having lived in a state that worships a coach, I don't care.
• I can't drive stick. A couple of people (specifically, three exes) have tried to teach me, but it usually ends up as a very tense situation in a parking lot. Perhaps my error is attempting to learn a skill that could do major damage to a vehicle while sitting next to a person in a position to get mad at me and have it carry over into other aspects of my life. Yes, that must be it.
  
• I can't do the butterfly stroke. Not many people can, I guess, but I spent one season "swimming" (aka, floundering around in the pool after school and being totally useless during meets) and feel like I should have the ability to at least fake it. Oh, who am I kidding? I can barely do a flipturn without freaking out.
  
• Geography. Just, like, all of geography. In eighth grade, my social studies teacher asked me to point out England on a map; I couldn't do it. These days I can handle America and Europe, mostly, but Asia and Africa? Forget it. Most of Central and South America give me pause, too, except places like Chile (on the bottom!) and Brazil (the big one on the right!). Just the other day I looked at a map before starting a book about Afghanistan and said, "huh--so that's where China is." Eegads, this is embarrassing.
  
• I have never seen any of the Star Wars movies, Back to the Future, The Princess Bride, and a few other classics.

We all have bits that somehow escaped us or that we were horribly misinformed about. The aforementioned email friend admitted that he thought Novicaine was a spray until he was eighteen, because at a cavity-ridden age five he clamped his mouth shut, and in a moment of desperation the dentist lied. Another friend had never heard of TurboTax--doing your taxes online? What? In the 21st century? Preposterous. My mom lacks the entire "how to operate computers and/or the Internet" filing cabinet in her brain.

We also all know weird things that our spongy brains sopped up somehow, like whether Bruce Wayne's grandfather went to Princeton or Yale, the location of the seven pressure points (my mom made me memorize them--and their names--when I was little), the Presidents in order (again, I didn't learn that song, dammit!), or every word to "Ice, Ice, Baby."

Seriously--every time I go out dancing, I sort of disgust myself with the fact that, if held at gunpoint, I'd have a better chance of living if I had to sing "Baby Got Back" than name the capitals of most foreign countries. Awesome.